‘Let them be little…cause they’re only that way for a while’. I’ve seen these Billy Dean song lyric’s floating around the interweb for a while now and it’s only taken me 5 months to truly understand the meaning of these words.
Many people, even strangers on the street would tell me over and over again “enjoy the baby stage, because it’ll be over before you know it”. At the time I would get so frustrated inside because here I was feeling like a milking machine and all I wanted was for Jacob to grow up faster. I kept saying to people that I couldn’t wait till he was big enough to give me a hug back and the look on their faces would be like ya’ll-crazy-girl! As much as I loved and adored my beautiful baby boy, I just wanted to fast forward through the slug stage to a point where we could have more interaction…and maybe I could get some freedom too lol. But seriously, am I the only person who wasn’t the biggest fan of the newborn stage? Like he was cute and all, but damn, I remember it being pretty fucking hard.
Now that we’re past the baby-baby stage I can’t help but look at old photos and wonder where the time went. Goddammit they were right, where did the time go!? Even though I still get all doe-eyed and teary over Jacob’s newborn pictures, I still stand by my very first reaction because when he looks into my eyes, smiles a toothless grin and wraps his arms around my neck for a cuddle, my heart just melts. Don’t get me wrong, I have cherished each and every stage but the interaction that we have now has made our bond so much stronger. We spend all day reading books, playing games, singing songs and cracking jokes together – you could say he’s kind of like my little sidekick. Bare in mind that I am a first-time-mum so everything is so new and exciting, but we have this special bond and he’s my son and my best friend all in one.
It’s true, babies grow up so quick and in the blink of an eye they’ve gone from a curious wee slug into this walking and talking human. Now that my return to work nears I have started to appreciate the last 5 months that I have shared with Jacob. I know some mothers don’t get this opportunity, so it has really dawned on me how much of a blessing it has been to be able to watch him grow into the young smiley boy that he is today. A part of me just wants him to be little forever so I don’t have to go back to work, but even after having children, life goes on and the bills need to be paid. I didn’t think leaving Jacob would affect me too much (adult conversation come at me!), but as the time to return edges closer I get more and more upset.
I know parents all over the world put their children into daycare, but it kinda scares me that some random person will essentially be raising my boy. I’m positive that he will be in good hands, but he is just so LITTLE and I can’t help but feel like it it is way too early to put him in to care. I have loved watching Jacob grow and it truly saddens me that I potentially may miss some of his developmental firsts – his first crawl, his first step and even his first word. These short years are such a fundamental period where everything he absorbs will be a reference to the rest of his life and I wish I could be a part of it. Like I said, mortgages and car payments don’t pay themselves so staying at home isn’t really an option for us. I could sit here and endlessly question why the government doesn’t support parents enough and acknowledge that we’re actually shaping humankind, but hey, I’d be wasting my breath. Instead I’m going to cherish every small moment that I have left with him while he’s little, cause they’re only that way for a while. xx